"Do not attempt this recipe too soon! This was my mistake, and it cost me dearly. It was long ago, before you were born. Sit down, and I will tell you.

I was just a lad when the world was fresh and new, and late night was nothing to worry about, or even consider. The morning stretched on before me like an endless bounty of excitement and adventure. I skipped and sang carefree songs; songs only a virgin soul could sing. I knew no pain or sorrow.

Time has a habit of catching up with us all, and before I knew it, afternoon was upon me. It was hot, far too hot. The sun beat down upon me like waves of buffalo..buffalo determined to make me feel much, much too hot. I ceased my skipping and took shelter in the shade of a nearby tree.

But lo, this was no ordinary tree. From the leaves I extracted the purest, most divine bacon imaginable. Bacon so fatty and delicious, this was truly the bacon of the Gods. I had never known temptation like this.